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Joke of the Day

"""First gay marriage. What's next - people marrying dogs?!"" *nervous glance at dog Dog: Frank, we've been over this. I like you as a friend"

"I am eternally grateful to whoever donated organs for my surgery... I'll always hold a little piece of them close to my heart."

"In my experience, less than 40% of people wearing ""Duke"" sweatshirts are actual dukes"

"I only work because it feels so good when I stop."

"Home Alone is my favorite movie about how child neglect and bad parenting is hilarious"

"Two birds flying through the air... Flugen zwei Vogel durch die Luft. Sagt eine zum anderen, ""Vorsicht"" da kommt ein Hub-schrau-schrau-schrrau"

"I dream about living in a world where Adobe never asks me to update it."

"How did Jamie find Cersei in the long grass? Satisfying."

"Baby I wanna love you across the face with a romance shovel."

"Whoever replaced my kitchen window with broken glass and hid my laptop and tv. Haha very funny. Now tell me where they are. I'm serious."