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Joke of the Day

"Hey baby, do you smell that?"" ""No."" ""Me neither, start cooking."

"There's a wreath hanging on my door with hundred dollar bills attached. I call it an Aretha Franklin. c:"

"What's known as the UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship, doesn't use its full name, which happens to be ""Ultimate Fighting Championship, Non-Chuck-Norris-Division""."

"I feel bad for all of the couples who got married in Vegas last week But at least their love will burn with a firey passion..."

"Damn Girl, Are You Harambe's Pit? Cause I wanna drop my children in you"

"Q: How can you tell if a cat is blonde? A: No matter what height you drop it from it always lands on its head."

"Hey traveling businessmen, no need to put a lock on your carry-on. No one wants your briefcase full of boring."

"I have been having a lot more threesomes as of late. Ever since my wife got pregnant."

"""Are you smarter than a 5th grader?"" Me: ""Sometimes?"" ""Are you smarter than a 16 year old?"" Me: ""Always."""

"How do two gays propose? They both get on all fours and present the ring!"