20138

Joke of the Day

"Tell the Starbucks barista that your name is Voldemort. Watch for those who don't flinch when the name is called. They will be your allies."

"I'm not gonna partake in this ""I hate Monday morning"" thing because I hate all work days equally."

"Watched a sad porno the other day... [NSFW] It was a real tear jerker."

"Son: ""I got expelled"" Dad: ""How?"" Son: ""I wrote 2 + 2 = 41 on the whiteboard."" Dad: ""That's pretty dumb but-"" Son: ""Then my teacher told me to go up to the board..."" Dad: ""Ok?"" Son: ""And rub 1 out."""

"A woman with a strong accent walks into a bar. Going in to order a drink, she asks for a beer. The bartender says ""Anheizer Busch?"" The woman says: ""Good! And how's your prick?"""

"Ego and Super-Ego walk into a bar. The bartender says, ""I'm going to need to see some Id."""

"How did the Romans split up their empire? With a pair of Caesars. (Thanks [Deep Digger Dan](https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=JUIumhWtTK4))"

"SM A Masochist walks up to a Sadist. Masochist: Hurt me. HURT ME! Sadist: No."

"I dated a mime that was a mistress Being tied up was a little complicated."

"Why can't you tell knock knock jokes about freedom? Because freedom rings"