200944

Joke of the Day

"Did you hear Nickleback became a footbal team? They're called QuarterBack now"

"So, I was sitting on a train across from a beautiful Thai girl. And all I could think was ""Don't get a boner. Don't get a boner."" And then she did."

"Never Drink Alone Thats why I Skype with people when I'm drinking."

"Today, I lost my mood ring. I don't know how I feel about that..."

"I went out to eat and told the waiter I wanted the steak bloody rare. He asked if I was worried about the mad cow, to which I replied..... ..... No. My wife will cheer up after you take her order."

"16yo [talking w friend]: fam that's lit af, tell bae and the squad that it's on fleek PARENT: *calls 911* i think my kid's having a seizure"

"I once lived with a Canadian family for a year... They didn't want me to, but were too polite to ask me to leave!"

"Whats would happens if you added Hillary Clinton and the USA and subtracted an A? I dont know but it would be Hillary Us."

"Just took one of those ""Which Movie Character Are You?"" quizzes and found out I'm the plastic bag from American Beauty."

"You Know You're Southern When... You know you're southern when your town has more syllables than letters."