200741

Joke of the Day

"I don't always go golfing, but when I do I bring two pairs of pants... ....in case I get a hole in one"

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"Hyperboles are the most overused thing in the universe."
"Who was the chicken's favorite musician? Bach."
"Did you hear? There was an active shooter at the observatory! He was shooting for the stars!"
"*at the pharmacy* I WOULD LIKE THE PILLS THAT ALLOW ME TO CONTROL BIRTH *pharmacist blinks* GIVE THEM TO ME, SORCERER"
"Some inmates claimed Blackbeard was best... but I don't believe in cons' piracy theories."
"I'm not feeling myself today... ...would YOU do it for me?"
"My life is like a romantic comedy except there's no romance and its just me laughing at my own jokes."
"I think my wife was sleeping with my boss so I changed jobs to prevent that from happening... One of the perks of being self-employed."
"What did Eric Garner's wife say to him? Would it kill you to go sell a few cigarettes? too soon?"
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