200733

Joke of the Day

"""Son, I found a condom in your room."" ""Gee thanks, Grandpa."" ""Why are you calling me Grandpa?"" ""Because I couldn't find it yesterday."""

"How do you know if you're making out with a french horn player? They keep trying to put their hand up your butt."

"I woke up today feeling like a god! I don't believe in myself. :("

"HR: Sir, why is your secretary standing with tens of underwear in hand? Boss: Damn, I asked her to debrief all the interns before the meeting."

"Everyone, meet our new baby, Lucian ""Aww, what a nice name"" It's her dad's, so I picked his middle name ""What is it?"" Theskywithdiamonds"

"I'm not late, I'm just giving you extra time to do shit on your phone."

"The difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted."

"going to travel back in time and paint a giant ""@"" in a cave just to freak everyone out"

"What's an Ancient Roman's favorite sex position? LXIX."

"What do you call explosive cow vomit? A cud missle!"