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Joke of the Day

"Everyone, meet our new baby, Lucian ""Aww, what a nice name"" It's her dad's, so I picked his middle name ""What is it?"" Theskywithdiamonds"

"There's a man with two penises? That's nothing, I once knew a guy with FIVE penises... ...and his pants fit like a glove."

"My girl stayed true and my dog didn't die, I'm sober ~no country song ever."

"What secret organization does Pinnochio work for? Wooden you like to know?"

"Apparently being a mother is the hardest job in the world. They're probably right. I can definitely see brain surgeons struggling to put Frozen into a DVD player."

"The moderators of this sub"

"Ever find buried treasure in your grandpas backyard containing passports, Nazi uniforms, and a photo with Papa with the Fuhrer inside? Yeah."

"WIFE: I can't believe you slept with my twin thinking it was me ME: Cut me some slack he was wearing your perfume"

"Me: Nice biker jacket. You ride? Him: No Me: So you're a liar? Him: Me: Him: Nice yoga pants Me: That jacket looks so awesome on you!"

"How do you make an egg roll? Push it."