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Joke of the Day

"going to travel back in time and paint a giant ""@"" in a cave just to freak everyone out"

"*waiter lays down my plate* ""Can I get u anything else?"" U CAN GET ME HAPPY FACE PANCAKES LIKE I ORDERED, U FUC- *he rotates my plate* oh ok"

"Everybody laughed when I told them I was going to become a comedian They're not laughing now!"

"Q: What's the book of socially prominent monsters? A: The Book of who's Boo."

"Santa's sack is on the sleigh... Q.-Why is Santa Claus's sack so big and heavy ? A.-Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it is down a chimney!"

"I called the Rape Advice Line earlier today. Turns out it's only for victims."

"There is so much lead in Flint That when you pass a factory, you immediately assume that Chinese children work there"

"You must work at subway...cause you`re givin` me a foot long."

"Road painters are not the kind of friends you should be around... They do lines all day."

"I once went five years without having sex then I turned six and my uncle raped me"