200724

Joke of the Day

"Why did the groom want his bride to wear white? He wanted his new dish washer to match his fridge."

"[arguing w girlfriend] Her: I feel like we have communication problems. Me: srsly? wow I text u like every day."

"I clicked on an ad for horny single women in my area and got a virus... It was chlamydia."

"[giving mother in law my famous salad dressing recipe over the phone] 1 part vinegar, then *bites lip so I don't laugh* 2 parts baking soda"

"What do you call an Ethiopian with a yeast infection? A quarter-pounder with cheese."

"Why didn't the elephant eat the banana?"

"Please hold so I can transfer you to a supervisor and accidentally hang up on you."

"How do you cut the Roman Empire in half? With a pair of Caesars!"

"What's a pig's favourite casino game? Porker."

"dude you're gonna need to take me home tonight i can't drive like this ""bro this is hi-c orange lava burst"" iim a lightweight ha ha"