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Joke of the Day

"[arguing w girlfriend] Her: I feel like we have communication problems. Me: srsly? wow I text u like every day."

"What do you call a Mexican who has his Mondeo stolen? Carlos"

"[NSFW] A good crime sentence is... ...be made to fuck a ratchet"

"Being dark skinned is a CHOICE. In just a few years, through prayer, celebrity Beyonce is almost completely white. You can change too."

"I bought my nephews some Cisformers for Christmas. They start off as cars and stay that way."

"Never underestimate an underachiever. We're capable of less than you think."

"I call in sick on full moons just to make them wonder."

"Just found out my bank won't cash these so-called ""rain checks."" This is bullshit."

"Playing mini-golf with your family is a fun way to spend thirty-two dollars to watch your kid throw 18 tantrums in a row."

"What's a Christian's favourite guitar chord? G-sus"