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Joke of the Day

"dude you're gonna need to take me home tonight i can't drive like this ""bro this is hi-c orange lava burst"" iim a lightweight ha ha"

"[Calling concert venues across the country] Hi yes, I'm just calling to let you know that on your website you spelled ""weekend"" incorrectly"

"Me: I'm so tired I need to sleep. Ambien: Here I'll help... Hey don't forget to take off your clothes and pretend that you're snow! Me: K"

"Q: What did the Zen master say to the hot dog vendor? A: Make me one with everything."

"Why didnt the toilet paper cross the road? because it was stuck in a crack"

"How do you know your girlfriend is too young for you? You have to make airplane noises to put your dick in her mouth"

"Good news in Syria today Just kidding"

"People who generalize.. I find people who generalize to be complete idiots."

"I bet if a renaissance artist traveled through time to a modern museum, they'd be like: ""Uh-oh. Someone leaked my nudes."""

"Why were Porn Stars not affected by the recession? Some jobs always have sticky wages..."