200483

Joke of the Day

"TIFU by disappointing a girl with my 3.2 incher. She didn't take American Express."

"I'm not scared I'll end up in an asylum after a breakdown. I'm scared someone will record it on their phone and I'll end up on a GIF."

"What did water say when ice farted? Ice melt it."

"How do you get Holy Water? You put water in a pot and boil the HELL out of it."

"I asked my flamboyant son if he was gay and he beat around the bush. I wouldn't care if he is, I'm just pissed that I didn't get a straight answer."

"Did you hear about the Hollywood actress that got murdered...? Person 1: Her name was Reese, errr, Reese, Reese whatshername... Person 2: Witherspoon? Person 1: No, with a knife."

"What kind of floor do dinosaurs' bathrooms have? Rep-tiles."

"What's the difference between my 83-year old grandfather and /r/Jokes? My grandfather doesn't have Alzheimers"

"What's the similarity between your zero-exercise lifestyle and a professional weight-lifter competing in the Olympics? They both involve muscles and they both result in a-trophy."

"A joke so absolutely filthy I can't put it in the title Rio Olympics"