220625

Joke of the Day

"I'm not scared I'll end up in an asylum after a breakdown. I'm scared someone will record it on their phone and I'll end up on a GIF."

"It's a comfort knowing Dad is looking down on me, but we should probably cut his hang-glider out of that tree one of these days."

"My wife and I use the pull-out method of birth control where we pull out our phones and ignore each other every night"

"I don't know what it is about my masseuse... But something about her just rubs me the wrong way."

"A nun walks into a grocery store Nun: ""Hi I'd like to buy a cucumber."" Clerk: ""Well, why don't you buy two, so you can eat one."""

"How do polish people show gratitude? They say thansk."

"You guys! I just realized I've been holding my moral compass upside down this whole time."

"""Did you bring your LIST?"" -Everyone who sees Craig at the supermarket, probably"

"My fridge is so empty, I just saw a fly in my kitchen wearing a pastry apron, kneading dough and mumbling ""He doesn't even buy bread."""

"How many immature people does it take to screw in a light bulb? 69."