20045

Joke of the Day

"""Son, I wanted to let you know you were adopted,"" my dad told me. ""Are you kidding? Really?"" I shouted. ""Yup, get ready,"" he said. ""They'll be picking you up in about an hour."""

Next Joke
 
"I'm not Racist! I have a colour TV."
"If I had a nickel for every time I had sex... ... I'd be a very cheap hooker."
"If you think my tweets are bad, you should see my choice in men."
"What says ""Mark! Mark! Mark! Mark! Mark!"" ? A dog with a hair lip"
"How to be Productive: 1.) Make a list 2.) Cross off the first thing on your list 3.) Reward yourself with a nap"
"Why do I see so many broken condoms outside? Honey, those are called ""children"" and should be treated as such."
"[Americas Got Talent] ME: *reads an opinion different than mine online without getting offended* JUDGE (under his breath): how'd he do that"
"ME:*lying*omg i have an identical twin too DATE:wow we should all meet up [cut to us at a house of mirrors] DATE: your brother is quiet"
"I asked a comedian what performing in the Soviet Union was like. Apparently, back then, it was all about the execution."