169515

Joke of the Day

"ME:*lying*omg i have an identical twin too DATE:wow we should all meet up [cut to us at a house of mirrors] DATE: your brother is quiet"

"Republicans & Democrats are like divorced parents who care more about getting the kids to hate the other one than they are their well-being."

"My dental hygienist retired after working 55 years... All she got was a lousy plaque..."

"Two Jews walk into a bar... Midget Hitler laughs and walks under it."

"What is Michael Bay's favorite move in chess? C4"

"Can't wait to walk down the aisle. The frozen food aisle. Marry me, ice cream."

"2nd Rule of Parent Club: If your kid suddenly says ""I think I'd better wash my hands"", don't question them. I repeat, DO NOT QUESTION THEM."

"How do you keep a blonde busy? Write ""Please turn over"" on both sides of a page and hand it to her."

"I tried to buy a Christmas tree to put in my shed. I couldn't find one anywhere. They were all non - shed."

"What part of ""No"" don't you understand? Probably the whole thing I'm guessing. It's a pretty short word. What? You're a squirrel? Sorry"