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Joke of the Day
"If you think my tweets are bad, you should see my choice in men."
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"/r/jokes won't get this.. karma"
"What do the Starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common? They both circle Uranus looking for Klingons."
"Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a ""Who has more testicles?"" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5."
"How many retards does it take to push a bus? Just one. They're retardedily strong."
"PILOT: if you look out the window you'll see we're cruising at 35,000 feet [i look out the window] [THE SKY IS FULL OF FEET JESUS CHRIST]"
"What's Mike Tyson's favorite Scarlett Johansson film? Luthy."
"My crush's ex-boyfriend was into wearing diapers I asked her best friend what she likes in a guy. She said, ""Depends..."""
"I just checked the weather for Iraq Looks like it's partly cloudy with a chance of bomb."
"What do a teenage girl and her baby have in common? They're both thinking, ""Oh shit! My mom's gonna kill me."""