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Joke of the Day

"Wife*outside bathroom door*:""I can hear ur keyboard clicking away. U tweeting in there?"" Me*pauses knitting*:""Uh, Ya"""

"Turns out Olympian Bruce Jenner Was just running from his penis."

"Doctor asks a prostitute, do you know who the father is? prostitute replies. Oh for goodness sakes If you ate a can of baked beans would you know which one made you fart?"

"What did Jose name his son? Hose B"

"How many IT people does it take to change a light bulb? Do you have a ticket for that?"

"Whenever I'm in trouble, I think: what would Jesus do? Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for three days."

"How do you reload a cardboard gun? With paper clips."

"""Hey, did you hear about the blonde that lost over 85% of her intelligence?"" ""No, actually. How'd it happen?"" ""I dunno, but I hear that it happened at around the same time her husband died."""

"What do you call a policeman on fire? Bacon."

"If I had a dollar for every punchline I forgot... Uh...damn it!"