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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you put a car and a pet together ? Carpet !"

"Mechanic: the front shocks are shot. Did you hit a pothole? Me: yes but I winced, patted the dash & said I was sorry so it can't be that."

"My wife accused me of ruining her birthday yesterday. ""Bullshit!"" I said. ""I didn't even know it was your birthday."""

"I just made the greatest construction-related pun of all time Works on so many levels"

"An Old Woman Commissions a Tombstone... ... she asks the carvers to write ""born a virgin, lived a virgin, died a virgin."" It wouldn't fit on the face, so they just wrote ""Returned unopened."""

"*pulls up pants* Me: It feels like I've got the world's worst wedgie! Proctologist: That's normal. M: ... P: Hey... Have you seen my glove?"

"What does all pirate music have in common? It's all played in the high C's."

"Good artists copy, great artists steal I wrote that."

"What's pink has five toes and is carried by the Easter Bunny? His lucky people's foot!"

"What do Jewish couples do when they hang out netflix and shill"