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Joke of the Day

"Me: hey girl r u an earthquake Her: aw bc I rock ur world? Me: no bc your unpredictability threatens the entire foundation of my existence"

"My kid is singing ""Mac-n-cheese"" to the tune of ""Stand by Me."" You guys just tried it, didn't you?"

"Bread goes in, toast comes out. EXPLAIN THAT, ATHEISTS!"

"I saw two kids fighting on the elementary school playground... Being the only adult around, I had to step in. They didn't stand a chance."

"The Class of 2019"

"What's brown, green and fuzzy and if it fell from s tree it would kill you? A pool table..."

"What do you call it when a German hits you with a loaf of bread? Gluten Tag And when a hippie hits you with a loaf of bread? Flour power And when a lot of people do it at the same time? a rye-ot"

"Oldest known British Joke from 10th century AD. What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before? A key"

"I want my boyfriend to get a tattoo on his neck so I won't have to worry about him getting a job and not having time to hang out with me."

"It's weird they report fantasy football during Sports Center. That's like the local news telling us how your SimCity is doing."