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Joke of the Day

"It's weird they report fantasy football during Sports Center. That's like the local news telling us how your SimCity is doing."

"Manager: Twenty teams in the league and you lot finish bottom? Captain: Well it could have been worse. Manager: How? Captain: There could have been more teams in the league!"

"If you leave me a voice mail that asks me to call you back at my convenience you have no one to blame but yourself."

"I've caught you canoodling. You're really in hot water now. I can see tensions are boiling. Perhaps we'd better leave this issue in the pasta tense. Sieve and let sieve?"

"How many donald trumps does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just one. He holds it up and the world revolves around him"

"Report - Sharks have difficulty finding work 51 weeks every year."

"My ex girlfriend had huge tits Ahh such good mammaries"

"Apparently, if you stop to help an armored truck broke down on the side road, they'll mace and taser you. In that order."

"Sleep with too many rich people and you can get Herpes"

"Cinderella What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? Gagged!"