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Joke of the Day

"if they changed the rules so you could wear timbs instead of skates black ppl would take over hockey"

"OUR KID WAS SOAKING WET WHEN YOU BROUGHT HIM HOME FROM SCHOOL! Me: [water pouring from backseat] Listen, this car pool thing was your idea"

"Why did Aladdin have a shoe on his crotch? Because he told the Genie he wanted his penis to grow a foot."

"What did the passenger broccoli say to the driver broccoli? Floret!"

"Donald Trump could very well be our next President. Laugh, because it's a joke, guys. Guys? Guys! ...It's not funny anymore..."

"How do you start a stampede in Ethiopia? Carve a turkey"

"I use Facebook mostly to keep in touch (without leaving the house) with people whom I do not wish the share my cell number with..."

"General Contractor: Don't worry ma'am, everything will be ready, we'll have the scaffolding set up and erected. Me: *mutes phone* hahahahaha"

"Sardine Wife: ""What's wrong?"" Sardine Husband: ""I just need some space, Linda."" Sardine Wife: ""WHERE EXACTLY SHOULD I GO, KENNETH"""

"Does a bear pope in the woods?"