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Joke of the Day

"OUR KID WAS SOAKING WET WHEN YOU BROUGHT HIM HOME FROM SCHOOL! Me: [water pouring from backseat] Listen, this car pool thing was your idea"

"Did you hear about the amputee that came in last on Jeopardy? He was stumped."

"HR: You can't urinate outside. Me: Then how will we keep the jellyfish away? HR: Can you take a drug test? Me: Nope, I'm all out of urine"

"Daughter: Dad, you need a smart phone. Me: Will it make my dinner? D: No but- M: Good talk."

"Being drunk is a very unpleasant experience... Just ask a glass of water."

"Time may be a great healer but it's also a lousy beautician."

"If Donald Trump runs the U.S into the ground... He will have toupee"

"http://loolzpedia.blogspot.com/2014/08/oxygen.html Oxygen Is Important"

"Why did did the convicts escape? Billy Eichner has a theory... Billy Eichner says I bet those escaped convicts are going to see Ted 2."

"What did the knob say to the door? I LOCK you a lot! yep, its corny, indeed, but... I'm tryin'! ~Skip"