199818

Joke of the Day

"There are only three types of people in this world. Those who can count and those who can't."

"""you are the only one who understands me"" i whisper to a piece of pizza."

"What do you get when you mix a penis and a potato? A dictator."

"That crazy moment when you smell roast pork, but realize your heated car seat is set too high."

"Father, pardon, excuse, exonerate, absolve, acquit, forgive me, for I have synonymed."

"Open heart surgery? No, just rip it out."

"Empty out and clean a mace container. Fill with water Stare into the eyes of your enemies as you spray your own eyes and never blink"

"Call me old fashioned, but I think any woman that can open the lid of a jar by herself is a witch."

"How many hipsters does it take to change a light bulb? It's like a really obscure number you have probably never heard of."

"There was a kidnapping in my neighborhood today... So i woke him up."