199480

Joke of the Day

"My wife's resting in the garden. Well, at rest."

"""Y'know, she was actually pretty convincing."" - Me walking out of a movie where Meryl Streep plays a Chinese UFC fighter"

"A joke I made up from The Revenant Why did Glass gut the horse? He just wanted to fit in."

"Why couldn't the Lesbian Jew hook up during passover? She had a yeast infection"

"I used to think there were 25 letters in the alphabet I don't know Y."

"I wonder what my dog named me."

"My girlfriend broke up with me over my obsession with linkin park. But in the end it doesn't even matter."

"I got my PHD in scatology today. Reading all of those YouTube comments was a pain though."

"Why do virgins never stand still? They are used to being chaste."

"People over 70 have a much different idea of what constitutes a story."