199280

Joke of the Day

"What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef :-D"

"If I worked in a used record store I would tell every customer ""all sales are vinyl"" until I was fired. It would be worth it."

"Took nephew out for lunch. The waitress asked what he'd like. After a stunned silence, I explained 'quiche' was not pronounced 'quickie'."

"Smoke a joint before hitting a buffet to really get your money's worth... Just saying."

"I asked my yoga teacher what my purpose in life is she said "" To inspire and then expire"""

"What's the proper procedure when witnessing someone having a seizure in a bathtub? Sprint to your room, grab all the dirty clothes you can, and start saving money on laundry."

"If you ever want to watch a women feel herself up for ten minutes, hide her cellphone."

"It's amazing how quickly reheated food in the microwave goes cold again when you think you're only going to be on the computer for a moment."

"If you get a divorce in Arkansas... ... is she still your sister?"

"Why did the sheep move house? The neighbours were baaastsrds."