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Joke of the Day

"I asked my yoga teacher what my purpose in life is she said "" To inspire and then expire"""

"The problem with the exclamation point & question mark being side by side on a keyboard: I'm so sorry your grandma died? I love you?"

"Me: Table for four, please. And can we get some crayons? Her: Will there be children dining today? Me: No. The crayons are for me."

"What does a hooker get from Santa? 50 bucks"

"Its me and my son's birthday next week so were doing a joint party. We've ordered a Tinkerbell cake for him, but she will be topless for me."

"What is an astronaut's favorite meal? *Launch*"

"The year is 2030: All corporations have merged and every night before bed you say a prayer to your cable company."

"Not to brag but I can produce cute children. DNA and all. Call me?"

"Hey Dad did anybody call for me when I was out? ""Yeah some girl named Jenny"" ""Jenny who?"" ""I don't know. Why don't you call her and ask."" ""She leave a number?"" ""Yeah 867-5309"""

"If you replace phrase ""Americans think"" with ""Americans with landlines who answer unsolicited calls think"" it all makes so much more sense."