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Joke of the Day

"What's the proper procedure when witnessing someone having a seizure in a bathtub? Sprint to your room, grab all the dirty clothes you can, and start saving money on laundry."

"Tip for new parents: The less you feed 'em, the less they poop."

"Pro-life or Pro-choice? I'm really unsure how to feel about planned parenthood and abortion. I mean, on one hand I'm all for killing babies but on the other I don't like giving women a choice. Damn..."

"What's the difference between going into a sewer system and the government buildings? They're both full of shit, but the government's got more assholes."

"Crime rates are down 100% after President Obama made it illegal to do crimes. ""I don't know why we didn't think of this before,"" he said."

"Trump says that Obama founded ISIS but in his defense Donald thinks that founded is a synonym for ""located"""

"What do you call a 16 year old black girl who has had a few abortions? a crime fighter."

"There are two types of girls; girls who are fat and girls who think they are fat."

"TIFU when I deleted my gym membership, hit my lawyer, & posted it to Facebook."

"How do you tittilate an ocelot? Oscillate its tit a lot."