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Joke of the Day

"you know what people said about paul daniels funeral..... you know what people said about paul daniels funeral ""i liked it but not a lot"""

"Why Christmas is like a job day? You do all the work but the big fat man in suit get the credits"

"me folding laundry: ugh another sock is missing puppet on my hand: how does that keep happening"

"Nuff said? No seriously, what did Nuff say?"

"What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death? Isaac newton died a virgin"

"*overeats sugar* *gets diabetes* *gets limbs amputated* *can finally smile authentically in pics now that not worried what to do with hands*"

"Denied candy because I ""didn't wear red"". Kicked out of the office because I ""didn't wear pants"". I'm tired of these Valentine's Day rules."

"Lunatic escapes from an asylum, goes to a launderette where he rapes three women before running off into the woods. Next morning's newspaper headlines read.... # **NUT SCREWS WASHERS AND BOLTS**"

"I can't make it tonight. There's a couple fighting at Target and the guy just started sarcastically clapping. I need to see where this goes."

"I have an asian friend who always points out the obvious things I call him obvious lee"