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Joke of the Day

"I've completed my 1st four year term as husband and have been elected to a 2nd. Let the lame duck husbandry begin."

"I <3 W... Valentine's day TXT message you send twins if you are unsure which one you are sending the message."

"Why was 6 afraid of 7? 1:""Why was 6 afraid of 7?"" 2:""Because 7 ate 9"" 1:""Ah very good, but why doesn't it matter?"" 2:...I don't know 1:""because 6, 7 ate. 6 was already a goner"""

"What's the difference between an apple and a dead baby? I don't ejaculate on an apple before I eat it."

"The Clippers are gonna be bought by the former CEO of Microsoft. Apparently he's looking for something to occupy himself while Windows is installing ""critical updates."""

"""With great power, comes great responsibility"" - - Melania Trump"

"A Roman walks into a bar He holds up two fingers and says ""Five drinks please!"""

"What did the green grape say to the purple grape? BREATHE!!!"

"I thought I had ADD because I have a hard time concentrating when I read books. But it turns out I'm just lazy and not very smart. Phew!"

"I hit a kid with my car last night Then I realized it was only a goat."