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Joke of the Day

"Oops. Everyone brought their ""see you next year""s to work today and I only brought my throat slashing gesture."

"You know what they say about poorly produced pornography... You never see it coming."

"What do you call a pig that has never been tested for an infection? Uncultured swine."

"Religion is like masturbation. It's okay to practice it at home in private, but when people start gathering to do it together shit goes downhill."

"Showed up late for work and blamed it on rush hour. Showed up late again the next day and blamed it on rush hour 2."

"What idiot called it endangered ocean population instead of deficiency?"

"The best pickup line I have a weapon in my pants. It's so strong it could destroy Uranus."

"If you could go back in time, would you kill Hitler or just watch movies that aren't about superheroes?"

"My friend is dealing with a really severe Viagra addiction. He's having a hard time with it."

"My girlfriend said she was finishing with me because of my obssession with flowers. I said ""Where's all this stemming from, petal?"""