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Joke of the Day
"Did you get a haircut? No. I got all of them cut."
Next Joke
"Why don't witches wear panties? They get a better grip on their brooms!"
"When i was a kid, my father said he wanted me to be an autodidact. I asked him what that word meant. He told me to look it up. Happy Father's Day, everyone!"
"I have a basic password for my online banking and a complicated one for twitter. Wouldn't want some hacker breaking in and posting bullshit."
"Justin Timberlake postponing his Buffalo show Sat. & then going on Fallon is like that time I called in sick & tweeted a selfie on a boat."
"[text] 11:56 pm Her: whatcha doin? Me: taking a shit 12:03 am Her: whatcha doin now? Me: same shit different day"
"You should always read labels. I was about to eat this rat poison but then saw it has gluten in it. I could have died,"
"What is horse sense? Stable thinking and the ability to say nay!"
"Doctor said I had kidney failure. I asked ""How can that be? I am an adult, I have adult knees."""
"What genre can't Ed Sheeran sing ? Soul"