177273

Joke of the Day

"What is horse sense? Stable thinking and the ability to say nay!"

"Relationships are about compromise. I pretend she's not watching a Gossip Girl boxset. She pretends I'm not digging her grave in the garden."

"My dentist took a look in my mouth and said, ""Your gums look awful. I told you to floss religiously."" I do, I said, I floss on Christmas and Easter."

"How do ghosts like their chicken cooked? Terri-fried!"

"#LanceArmstrong should keep his awards. Last time I tried to ride a bike when I was #stoned I ended up in a ditch."

"I will not tolerate watching the neighbourhood kids bully my nephew. So I keep the curtains closed."

"What does Santa Claus and Jared from Subway have in common? They both leave kid's homes with empty sacks."

"Huz and kids want to go to waffle house for breakfast but I didn't even remember to pack our bullet proof vests."

"Yo momma so poor She opened up a gmail account so she could eat the spam."

"Why do Americans write ""color"" instead of ""colour""? Because fuck ""u"", that's why."