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Joke of the Day

"Justin Timberlake postponing his Buffalo show Sat. & then going on Fallon is like that time I called in sick & tweeted a selfie on a boat."

"Me: I'm so over him Vodka: No you're not, you should text him Me: Really? Vodka: Yes! 25 times"

"Nurse: Doctor there is a man in the waiting room with a glass eye named Brown. Doctor: What does he call his other eye?"

"What do you call a homeless Italian man? Giovanni Change"

"FREE IDEA: a tanning salon called ""Turn Brown For What."""

"Wife: I'm going to grab some dinner, you want anything? Me: No thanks, I'm stuffed. Wife: Ok, I'm going to Taco... Me: I'll have 9 tacos."

"What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend? He wiped."

"What is the politically correct term for Mexicans? Human Beans."

"I'll be buried in a spring-loaded coffin stuffed w/ tons of confetti. In the future some archeologist is gonna have an awesome day at work."

"Did you hear about the guy who went to Halloween with a potato in his pants? He went as a dictator."