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Joke of the Day

"When i was a kid, my father said he wanted me to be an autodidact. I asked him what that word meant. He told me to look it up. Happy Father's Day, everyone!"

Next Joke
 
"I always eat duck with a few slices of cheap bread, because I know they would've enjoyed it."
"My headphones stopped working before the warranty... I'm taking them to cord over this!"
"Me: how was your date? Friend: I ruined her panties. M: Wow that's hot man. F: No she got food poisoning from my cooking, bro."
"With the Germany Argentina final on the way, we will finally know which one of the two Popes is God's favorite."
"What do you name a tricky pig? Cunningham"
"If you can't hear me it's because I'm in parentheses."
"How many redditors does it take to change a light bulb.? Three. One to screw it in and the second to take credit for it. And the other to repeat it."
"Neighborhood kids came over for an Easter egg hunt. Apparently hiding the eggs in the clothes I was wearing is somehow against the law?"
"Hey terrorists, wanna cripple America? Hack Twitter and cause all DM's to go public. I'm just kidding, don't do that shit. We'd kill you."