198901

Joke of the Day

"That moment when you're driving and tweeting and you look up and notice you're in the Atlantic Ocean."

"people say Einstein dropped out of school and still was a genius but he didn't drop out to drink fireball and start a band this is important"

"GARY JOHNSON: let me debate, i wanna debate, lemme lemme MODERATOR: FINE! how will you deal with big banks JOHNSON: like...river banks, or"

"Is there an apology card for: Sorry I kidnapped your dog and made him run on a treadmill to power my toaster last week, or no?"

"what am I? I'm owned by every man, though my length differs. Their wives use me after getting married Last Name"

"I'm starting to think I buy bananas just to watch them die a slow death in my own home."

"I Never Buy Anything Containing Velcro It's all a total rip-off"

"It would be endearing to call Elon Musk... Musk Dear"

"I wonder if Martha Washington ever got splinters from George's teeth."

"""Are you okay?"" Me anytime I meet someone named Annie."