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Joke of the Day

"My wife treats me like a God...She takes very little notice of my existence until she wants something."

"How do you stop a dog humping your leg? Suck it off"

"Translator: We changed the Bible verses forbidding happy marriage to say gay marriage. King James: Same thing, what could possibly go wrong?"

"I'm sorry I tried to steal your baby, but my kids don't smell good anymore."

"2 Packets of Crisps were walking down the street. A man in a van pulls up beside them and go "" Would you guys like a lift?"" The Crisps replied "" No Thanks we're **walkers**"""

"I hope that someday we can live in a world without plagiarism. You may say I'm a dreamer. But I'm not the only one."

"sexyaardvark69 [username taken] sexywombat69 [username taken] sexyplatypus69 [username taken] sorry this might take a while..."

"I ran over a kid in a John Cena shirt but in my defense, i couldn't see him"

"If you! Use exclamation points!! This often! I want to! Smother you!! And your enthusiasm! With a pillow!!!"

"I think I want a job cleaning mirrors. It's just something I could really see myself doing."