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Joke of the Day

"Whenever I use idioms in the wrong context... ...people look at me as if I'm as thick as thieves!"

"I farted on the bus today and four people turned around I felt like I was on The Voice"

"There's a good chance this chocolate cake will need rape counseling after I'm done."

"How could a leper afford a nice house? It cost an arm and a leg"

"People who talk about me behind my back discussed me."

"I figured out how to make my penis 8 inches Fold it in half"

"Man with premature ejaculation seeks understanding woman. Nevermind, I'm done."

"I used to date a girl with a lazy eye I broke up with her though, cos I'm pretty sure she was seeing someone on the side. Credit to /u/MoreMajorSins for this awesome dad joke!"

"Car alarms would be a lot more effective if they sounded like two people fighting. I'd peak out my window for that."

"Did you hear the pizza guy's joke? He has excellent delivery."