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Joke of the Day

"I farted on the bus today and four people turned around I felt like I was on The Voice"

"Statistically speaking, 9 out of 10 people enjoy a gang rape."

"RIP Ronaldo's Moth. The world's most famous footballing insect has died after a long and illustrious career. He was 6 weeks old."

"Instead of a condom i keep a moist towelette in my wallet because i run into buffalo wings alot more often than sex"

"My dad finally left me a voicemail where he didn't introduce himself. I think we're getting closer."

"If you've ever written a Yelp review of a Starbucks, I can help you kill yourself if you like?"

"Kid: ""Mom, am I ugly?"" *Mom:* ""I told you not to call me mom in public."""

"Why do seagulls fly over the sea, not the bay? If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels :D"

"What if a man existed w/one hand that's a steak and the other is lobster plus unlimited salad bar? This is the plot of ""Edward Sizzlerhands"""

"""Was he better than me?"" ""Joe, don't."" ""I have a right to know!"" ""No, he wasn't better than you."" [god appears] ""Mary, what the hell?"""