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Joke of the Day

"So I asked my friend what its like to live in Switzerland.. He said It's pretty cold but the flag is a huge plus"

"""Daddy, where are all the bastards?"" Puzzled, I looked at my four year old son in the mirror. ""What do you mean?"", I asked him. ""Well, when mummy is driving there are bastards everywhere."""

"Wife: ""Notice anything?"" Me: ""Is it your hair, shoes, dress, eyelashes, mascara, lipstick, or nails?"" Wife: ""You forgot to wear pants."""

"My Grandfather told me ""Your generation relies too much on technology."" Me: ""No your generation relies too much on technology."" I then pulled out his life support."

"What is the difference between a human and a potato? Time"

"A surgeon accidentally removed a women cancerless breast.... Sounds like it was a mastec-to-my"

"Why did the chicken run across the road? She was worried the egg would get there first."

"My friend was arrested after carving equations into blocks of quartz He was charged with manufacture of crystal math"

"I used to say that I wanted to make ridiculous amounts of money. I think I should have chosen my words more carefully :("

"Oh dear... I should get out of the way, he's probably trying to catch a bad guy. -me getting pulled over"