198763

Joke of the Day

"Me: Can I bet $20 on the Panthers to win the Super Bowl? Government: Sorry, no Me: Ok, can I buy 1k in powerball tickets? G: Lol, of course"

"Why doesn't Ronald Reagan drink orange juice? Because he's dead."

"Me: Do you ever feel like you're an imposter? Psychiatrist: Get out of my chair Me: Interesting *writes 'thinks he's the psychiatrist'*"

"Girlfriend The other day, my girlfriend called me a pedophile... But what does she know, she's only 7."

"Knock Knock Who's there? The Pilot"

"[bar closing time] Do you wanna come over to my place? Her (flirtatious af): oh yeah Ok hold on.. *dials phone* Mom? Can you pick me up now?"

"Kim Kardashian's baby will be the whitest person to ever see her vagina."

"Where do all the good boys go to hide away? r/cringepics Based off Daya's song ""Hide Away"""

"What's the difference between Walk of Life and Washington state? One's by Dire Straits, the other's by dryer states. ^badump ^tssss"

"What Trumps favorite song Make it rain (there are two way you can read this)"