198763

Joke of the Day

"Me: Can I bet $20 on the Panthers to win the Super Bowl? Government: Sorry, no Me: Ok, can I buy 1k in powerball tickets? G: Lol, of course"

"An electrician comes home at 2 am.... His wife asks, ""wire you insulate?"" He replies, ""watt's the problem, I'm ohm aren't I?"""

"Sean Connery's New Job Sean Connery's agent calls him up and says ""I've got an audition for you tomorrow about 10ish"" Sean says ""Great! I'll bring my racket"""

"""Hellooooo? I'm tweeting here, pay some attention to me"" - everyone on twitter ever."

"It's bad enough when the little voices in my head talk to me. But now they are texting."

"Why do people with OCD like Family Feud? Because it's always black and white."

"What options does an abortionist have to get ashore? Row vs. Wade"

"Remember when you could strangle people with your phone? Those were the days.."

"What happened after the eyeliner and mascara got in a fight? They had make-up sex."

"I've started to take the SJW movement seriously and have applied it to my parenting style It's why I'm ignoring all my 10-month olds privileged white male tears."