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Joke of the Day
"Roses are red, Violets are blue I have Alzheimer's To get to the other side"
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"""tell... my wife... i loved her..."" carl dies. NOO! U LOVED HER WHAT?! *shakes body* U LOVED HER... TITYS? HER CAT? *slaps face* PLS WAKE UP"
"Why do female skydivers wear jock straps? So they don't whistle on the way down."
"I stop drinking !!!!!!!!!!!!! .......but only when I sleep."
"What would Jesus's favorite gun be? A nail gun"
"Q: What kind of work does a weak cat do? - A: Light mouse work."
"Pedophiles They're fucking immature assholes."
"I'll have you know, I've been sober for just over 100 days. Not like, in a row or anything...just in general."
"Please join me. My daughter an I did this for hours one day. Zombie phlebotomist, veinnnnns. Zombie engineer, traaaaiiins. Zombie Dixie Chicks fan, Natalie Maiiiinns."
"If you ever have to go through job applications, throw half of them away randomly You don't want to hire anyone unlucky"