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Joke of the Day

"Please join me. My daughter an I did this for hours one day. Zombie phlebotomist, veinnnnns. Zombie engineer, traaaaiiins. Zombie Dixie Chicks fan, Natalie Maiiiinns."

"THERAPIST: Ever had a job? ME: I once worked at a zoo T: Great! & what did you take from that? ME: Definitely not a penguin T: What M: What"

"What's the longest word in the world? Smiles. There's a mile between each 's'."

"You're supposed to throw rice at new babies and their mothers, right? Traditions are weird."

"In the old days you could send your kid to the store with a note to get your cigarettes. Now they need a mask and a knife."

"Whenever someone asks how i'm doing & walks away before i answer..I write ""GREAT"" on the side of thier car with my keys!"

"What does a college kid do when confronted by an evil spirit? He drinks it just like he drinks every other kind of spirit."

"Just hit a white kid with dreadlocks with my car. He understood why."

"I like my upvotes like I like my women. .. One at a time and not very often."

"What script did the man with the longest penis get tattooed on his dick? TL;DR."