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Joke of the Day

"I was about to tell a hilarious joke about chemistry.. ..but last time I did, I couldn't handle the reactions."

"I just made up a new word Derpflarp"

"Did you hear the one about the constipated mathematician??? He worked it out with a pencil. ;)"

"My missus asked me where her Valentine's day card was. I said, ""Sorry, I had a headache."""

"Beer before liquor, never been sicker. Liquor before social interactions, very helpful."

"Popsicle sticks are depressing."

"Sorry, I'm out of my mind at the moment, please leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. "

"Today is awesome. I got pulled over by a cop on a bike. He even asked if I knew why he was ""pulling me over"" You need a ride! Duh"

"One time I asked ""What would Jesus do?"" & then a close friend betrayed me & everyone started misinterpreting what I said for their own gain."

"Knock knock. ""Who's there?"" ""9/11."" ""9/11 who?"" ""...*you said you'd never forget*"""