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Joke of the Day

"Sorry, I'm out of my mind at the moment, please leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. "

"There are two kinds of people People who can count People who can't count People who are there for no particular reason"

"One day in the Kwik-E-Mart A customer asked ""could you give me two bags, Apu?"" but Apu couldn't give two shits."

"Four Polish men die in a car accident Two in the actual crash and two more in the reenactment."

"Women always call me ugly until they find out how much money I make... Then they call me ugly and poor."

"Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark."

"More girls chase after me everyday than Leonardo, Channing Tatum and Ronaldo combined -Bus driver"

"what do you call a cheap circumsion A rip off"

"The NSA wants Edward Snowden to leave Russia. NSA: Hey Edward, you should really come back to America so we can talk. Edward: I can't. I'm Snowden."

"Does anyone know how to save your game on twitter I've been playing for 2 years straight my mom is pissed"