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Joke of the Day

"I used to have a job involving crushing cans....... It was soda pressing!"

"Who wants to play war? I'll lay down and you can blow the hell out of me!"

"ME: You bring that cash you owe me? ELEPHANT: Oh, sorry man, I forgot. ME: No you didn't."

"It looks like trees are all flamboyantly coming out of the closet before they die for the winter"

"What do Whitney Houston and Michael Jackson have in common? They both spent a fortune making their noses more white."

"A C++ error walks into a bar... A C++ error walks into a bar. The bartender looks up at it and says ""I'm sorry, but we don't serve bugs here"". The error replies ""But I'm an EXCEPTION!"" Haaaaaaaaaa!"

"I'm trying to stop... I'm trying to stop masturbating. It's really hard."

"Brains are awesome... I wish everyone had one."

"Everyone on FB is posting the status- I voted. I guess it's truthful Tuesday so I posted- I once killed a hobo & hid his body in a barrel."

"Did you hear that Oxygen and Magnesium are dating? OMg"