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Joke of the Day

"Why is Santa a terrible sexual partner? Because he doesn't exist"

"There are more Americans that have married Kim Kardashian than the number of Americans with Ebola."

"What do you call someone who's pretending to be from Sicily? Amoxicillin"

"There are two types of people in this world... Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data."

"What do you call a fake record player? A phonygraph"

"Q. How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb? A. Hell you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant."

"I figured out why prostitutes always look tired and haggard. Their job is a lot of fucking work."

"What's the difference between a rooster and a lawyer? The rooster's primal urge is to cluck defiance."

"[william shakespeare as an 8yo] dad: bedtime william: dost thou not... dad: [interrupting] STOP TALKING LIKE THAT!"

"I used to think love() was abstract, until you implemented it in MyHeart."