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Joke of the Day

"There are two types of people in this world... Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data."

"6-year-old: Can I have some Oreos? Me: You have the flu. 6: I'm sick, not dead."

"[Hospital front desk] ""Yeah my wife is here for weight loss surg-"" *wife hits me* ""Baby delivery, I mean she's here to deliver a baby"""

"Baby Soldier: Ma'am. Your husband is MIA. Soldiers wife: *covers crying face with hands* Baby Soldier: Oh great! Now his wife is MIA too."

"I don't find dead comedians funny Probably because they're post-humourous."

"How do you know that you are a redditor? I'll tell you tomorrow."

"I love throwing house warming parties But for some reason the police keep calling it 'Arson'."

"Q: What is a pig's favorite superhero? A: The Oinkredible Hulk."

"My mom made some french fries for you guys... but you were dicks about it because they were potato quality."

"Gf: why have you been googling 'can you milk a hamster' Me: *wipes milk from mouth* it was for a tweet"