197660

Joke of the Day

"""Hey honey"" *drags a cigarette* ""have you ever"" *drinks some scotch* ""slept with a guy"" *sucks a lollipop* ""with three arms?"""

"Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to begin eating itself, as it was the less painful way to die."

"My son wanted to go whale watching for his birthday. So we sat outside McDonald's."

"You got acute appendicitis .. No, YOU got a cute appendicitis *winks at doctor*"

"So I heard Rolf Harris got 5 years, 9 months... His favourite"

"When does a joke become a dad joke? When the joke is fully groan."

"Q: How do you get a blond out of a tree? A: Wave"

"When I see lover's names on a tree, I don't think it's sweet... ... I think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date."

"When I give people a tour of my bedroom, I like to say, ""And this is where the magic happens,"" followed by a sad, ""... magic isn't real."""

"Hey girl are you a new high efficiency dishwasher because you're so quiet it's hard to tell if you're turned on"