211132

Joke of the Day

"Hey girl are you a new high efficiency dishwasher because you're so quiet it's hard to tell if you're turned on"

"My husband and I both have colds but only his is really really bad."

"Animal sounds Cats go meow Rats go squeak Dogs go woof Pigs go ""Put your hands on your fucking head unless you wanna be shot in your fucking skull!"""

"What is the penalty for telling a bad joke? The joke is it's own pun-ishment."

"Boobs are like Christmas trees... ...it doesn't matter if they are real or fake, as long as they look good."

"What's a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet? Ahh yes I can see how you would think it's the ""r"", but in fact it's tha ""C""!"

"Did you know that I hold the World's Record for the smallest penis? It's really hard to beat..."

"When my doctor diagnosed me with surrealism I didn't know what to candle wax forest upside down volcano coffin."

"Kim Kardashian's butt Q: What do you call the space between Kim Kardashian's breasts and butt cheeks? A: Silicon Valley."

"As a Brandon, I'm constantly at war with Brendans. Do not confuse them with my kind. They are shit demons. Slaying them is my birthright."