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Joke of the Day

"How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. They just beat the walls because they are black"

"Imagine if things had been reversed. We'd be eating Lou Gehrig candy bars and getting Babe Ruth's disease."

"There's a doping scandal at the Rio de Janeiro Paralympics involving the Russians. We will see if these accusation stories have any legs."

"How do you turn a computer into a zombie? Send it a byte. Kind of lame but I couldn't help myself."

"Lois : Clark, are those binoculars? Clark Kent : Yes, I can't find my glasses. Lois : Put them down for a second. Clark : Lois : Clark : No"

"Why was the ghost sad on Halloween? He ain't have no boo"

"Unless you are wearing live crocodiles on your feet that you have beaten into submission, I care not for your Crocs."

"Whats the best thing about being addicted to speed? Only one more sleep until Christmas!"

"Therapist: So what's the problem? Wife: He thinks he's a flamingo. Me: That's it! I'm putting my foot down. *lowers foot that was raised*"

"What do pregnant women and prostitutes have in common? (w)hormones! NB: inspired by my hormonal pregnant wife."